Recently, our info ninjas have uncovered a plot found only on the pages of an L. Ron Hubbard novel; Obama is off to space. Now you may think to yourself; “Yeah Obama is off to space alright, ha-ha.”, but this time it’s for real. Our insiders have discovered that President Obama is on another apology tour to surrounding planets and galaxies to seek forgiveness for “all the junk up there, just floating around” in hopes that he may tie up any loose ends with other species we may or may not know are against us yet.

The timeline remains unclear, but our savior President is set to speak in front of an inter-planetary coalition of leaders to make known our follies, and our hopes for a meaningful friendship with the ”outer-races”. He will be introduced by Sigourney Weaver, of whom will publicly apologize for her own crimes against the outer-races as documented in the ”Alien” Trilogy.

As for the content of President Obama’s speech, it is to the best of our knowledge that it will focus on three main talking points:

1) Extraction of the “Star Wars” system from the oustide limits of Earth’s atmosphere. Not because it is taking up valuable space-travel lanes, only due to the decline of Luke Skywalker’s poll numbers in the outer rim (the outer-races don’t like Jedi in their territory).

2) A new bill proposed to have “No extra-terrestrials were actually harmed in the making of this film” added to the end of any newly produced sci-fi motion picture.

3) The proposal of a symbiotic relationship between the planets to share resources and capital with our own in order to aid in the expansion of the current health care bill to include Marvin the Martian, Martian Manhunter, and My Favorite Martian.

Obama, after a lengthy speech, also plans to appoint Will Smith as the ”Czar for Interplanetary Relations” based solely on the courage and merit displayed when saving the Universe in the M.I.B. films.